Dictums of Damaged Dreams

I have never used demotivation as a word in my everyday life. Its sounds too permanent, a little too irreversible. I use phrases like “not motivated enough”, “energy down”, “death of my spirit”, “looking for my inner Beyonce” and “so hungry and will wait for death first” and “don’t care about it”.

Its so typical that I have divided this into stages.

Emotional atyachar in stages

Stage 1: When the heart breaks, there is no sound:

I am so upset with the way things are turning out. My every action is leading to failure. Whats wrong with others? Is it me? Lets listen to tragic songs. I will work hard and try to change my life. My husband and should reduce weight so I am just making khichdi/ yellow dal stew.

Stage 2: Death of my spirit:

This is weird. Everyone affects me. Am I comparing myself even to a damn spider and thinking if they could have been any bigger they would have kicked those dinosaur’s asses.

Stage 3: Looking for my inner Beyonce

I am calm and spirited. How much worse can it get. The only direction now is to go up, right? I am going to make some changes. I am going to exercise daily. Practice Yoga. Get some help and ask about meditation to Chaggi. I am going to make food at home everyday. I should start by cooking Butter Chicken. I am going to work hard and change the world. I am at a party talking about great technology things which I read about in Tech crunch in the morning. I am a warrior. I am not going to lose(because I have nothing to lose). I am Zen

Stage 4: Hunger till death

I want to be dead. Starvation is a good reason. I can tell people I am loosing weight. At least I will die looking like a million dollars. How have everybody around me figured out life? I should have studied more. My husband is talking about retiring at 35. I am 26 and I don’t have a job. If he goes to the Himalayas, I have to live alone, with no job and two fat kids who ate a lot of potato chips because I was too distracted waiting for my death because of starvation.

Stage 5: Shit happens! Lets party!

I have totally give up now. I am going to party with everyone. I am going to become a diva and have fun. Everyday my happening life will be published in Instagram, Facebook. I am going to ask everybody if they did anything for fun and make sure that they understand that their concept of fun is boring and so not interesting.

Now this is just me. It can be you too, but its safe to admit for now that this is just me!