When I got married, I was given blessings by my elders. Even while I was getting married, the pandit wished us to be like Ram and Sita. Probably the worst thing that somebody can wish for us. I forgave him almost immediately because his intent seemed honorable. As the days progressed, more and more people started wishing my husband and I to have a happy married life like Shiva and Parvati. I hated it and I will tell you why it was the worst thing ever!
In our very own grand Hindu epic tale of Ramayana, Sita was 6 years old when she got married to Ram, who was twelve years old. After that they grew up together and stayed for 12 years with each other in Ayodhya. Later, when Sita was 18 years old, both Rama and Sita were sent to exile.
They were together for less than half year, when Sita was kidnapped by Ravan. She lived in Lanka for the next 14 years and met Rama again when she was 32 years old. They then lived together for 1 year and then was abandoned by Ram. He did not even tell her that he was dumping her. He just asked his brother to leave her in the forest. Sita was pregnant with twins at that time. She met Ram again after her kids were at war with their dad because they had caught his damn horse. They were 8 year old kids who gave nightmares to the “Oh-good-old-Lord-Ram”. Sita ultimately went inside the earth or in other words took her life and committed suicide.
Before going to exile, Ram did ask Sita stay at Ayodhya, but Sita didn’t because she thought that her place is with her husband. A girl of 18 who had never left her palace, suddenly decided to leave every comfort because her husband was asked to move out of his dad’s place. She was in love. Her formative years was at her husband’s place. Everywhere she went it was drilled in her, that Ram was the best thing that could have happened to her. She was “lucky”. She had no other choice. If she stayed at Ayodhya, Sita was going to be told by everybody how she abandoned her husband. She went and stayed with a man who was not strong enough to stand up for her.
People say that Ram was a great ruler. He was a great statesman. If he was that and everybody was in awe of him, shouldn’t he have managed his subjects right? I even get the fact that he wanted to separate from his wife, but why couldn’t he just get Sita settled in a far away place with atleast a house? After all Sita became his subject as soon as he became a king. She was a princess. Her father gave her away. She accepted Ram’s family and did not look back.
In the entire Ramayan, it seemed that Ram just conquered Lanka to make a name for himself. He left her for his career. Sita had stars in her eyes for him , which ultimately led her to commit suicide.
Thinking of other epic love stories, Parvati and Shiva has their own marital issues because of some serious anger management issues of Shiva. Brahma fell in love with his own daughter, Saraswati. She did not want his attention but he desired her too much. Indra was a womanizer. Lord Krishna was a playboy.
Now, people respect Gods. We are supposed to imitate them. I don’t believe in this, but I am not an atheist. I do not believe that by not drinking water and not eating food, my husband will live longer. I don’t believe in Karwa Chauth but I believe that I love my husband. I don’t want to be somebody because it will make other people happy. All in all, I have not seen anybody ending up very happy with that arrangement. We must tell others how we feel so that the other person understands what we have to say.
At the same time, we must hear what other people say. We should trust them but not do things just to shut them up. We should do things because it makes us happy. It is so difficult for me to accept what people have to say. This is because I try to give logic to it in my head.
For instance, people keep telling me that life is a compromise. It is a compromise if you are unable to improve the condition of your life. Sita listened to everybody and she did commit suicide in the end. Now maybe Sita wanted that life. I am okay with that, but I don’t want that life for myself. I want to like people and them to like me. If that doesn’t happen, we will have no option but to leave each other in our own troubles.
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